Happy birthday my little man. Our family just wouldn't be the same without your BIG personality and gentle spirit. After a long day, you manage to keep your daddy smiling ear to ear, and your mommy's heart filled to the brim. You play loud and you LOVE even louder. You add to the laughter, the life, and the joy in our home. Your sister and brother would be missing a best friend and a perfect playmate had you never joined their crew! You know how to make us all laugh in the hard moments, the wrong moments, and the quiet moments. You broke down our parenting "fears" and taught us how to laugh about boogers. Your presence in our family is as bold and strong as your favorite game, "hulk smash". You will not be defined as the youngest of three, but as a leader of the pack. You have your brother and sister wrapped around your finger, and you won't take "no" for an answer...unless it's already YOUR answer! You are brave. You are a light. You are upbeat. You are eager. And today...you are TWO, so I will soak up every "I snuggle butt", every "I wanna nuss", every "hold-a me mommy!", and every "come play-a me", because in each fleeting day, you are a little older than before, and as much as I want to, I just can't stop time.
Happy birthday buddy. "Best fwend". "Peepee head". "Eyi". We love you sweet guy.
Sometimes God catches you off guard. After things have been running smooth and wonderful for great lengths of time, He asks you to make a move and it's a surprise. It's uncomfortable, it's scary, and it's a time to evaluate where your trust really is.
It seems as if every couple of years, God presses me to do something I just don't want to do. Of course, God isn't a God of clockwork or routine, but rather His own perfect time. A few months ago we took a little family retreat to North Carolina. We spent our time outside, alone, and in peace. When we came home from that trip we felt a stirring to move, change, and pull up our roots. Of course in our simple minds, we thought that was God telling us we would be moving, which we really didn't understand, as my husband's job is pretty much rooted here. But we sat on it, prayed on it, and trusted that God would reveal His plans in His timing. Fast forward to a few weeks later and I all but BOLTED out of a homeschool meeting because I sensed it just wasn't where I was supposed to be. So again, trying to make sense of it all in my mind, I assumed God would be calling us out of homeschooling, and I was really afraid of that answer. Not but a week later, my husband and I sat down for a chat, where we both laid out what God had been revealing to us over time. After we talked it was quite clear what God was initiating.
Less stuff. More home. Less trying. More resting.
Like a reset button has to be pushed every now and again, so did our family. Homeschooling? We were FAR off of our prayerfully lead path. People? We were bouncing, struggling to maintain too many relationships, and burnt out. Life? It was just too busy, so busy that almost every little thing had become hired out - daytime help, nighttime help, weekend help, pool help, cleaning help, laundry help. And for what? To keep moving. But God doesn't want our family to keep on keepin' on.
He wants us to abide. To stop, to listen, to love, be loved, and love out of that love. To not worry about our kids' spiritual journey, but rather let Christ's love flow from our own full hearts into theirs.
It is so SIMPLE. And yet, as a mother, I feel the urge to twist that simplicity into a game of keep-up, taking advantage of a God who is always going to be there, as if I can just access Him when we aren't so busy. It's like I reason with Him in my mind and say "Yes. God, you are good and all, but this co-op, group, and ministry opportunity is good, too, and it's ONLY happening on Mondays and Thursdays, so I'll figure out how to rest in you when it's another day of the week, because these other people can't wait." Doesn't that sound so silly? And yet, here I am, climbing out of the "It looks good so it must be good" homeschooling trap that the enemy is so thrilled I fell into. Satan would rather me be distracted by something "spiritual" than to be abiding in Christ at the end of that day, and I seem to bite that hook each and every time. And you know what happens? Busyness keeps me from giving my kids the patience and grace they need. It keeps me from having an open heart when my husband is telling me about his day. It keeps me from finding that abundant life that God so wants to live with me, as I'm off searching for it.
At the end of the day, fifty years from now, it won't matter what groups or activities we participated in, but rather, who we were at home, and what those heart to heart moments looked like. It won't matter if we made it to bible study on time, if we practiced for piano, or if we were prepared for a soccer game. It WILL matter if we let God lead our home, if we trusted his guidance, and if we recognized him as our indwelling life. That is what my kids will learn from, their kids will learn from, and the next generation will learn from.
So here we are. on a journey that feels so scary and so freeing at the same time. To say goodbye to so many groups and people that have been my security for so long hurts. It sucks. But I trust God. And just like when He had us leave a church that we loved years ago without understanding why, it is painful, but now we see the beauty and the fruit of our faithfulness. Leaving something "good" doesn't seem like something God would do, right? Well it is. Because at the end of the day, the Christ life is just SO simple that it's painful to think I've missed the gentleness of His lead so many times.
So I've heard so much talk about "life verses" lately that I thought I would share a few of mine. The thing that bothers me about this whole idea, however, is that as long as God is my LIFE, then all of the verses should be my life verses, right? But for fun, here are the three verses I tend to reference more than others, and a little bit about why I love them - my "This-Season-in-My-Life Verses", if you will. These are not the verses I turn to when I need direction in parenting or when I feel I have missed the mark. These are the verses that feed my soul when the weight of motherhood seems to much to bear, the verses I privately repeat to myself before I fall deep into believing that "I" should fix something. These verses are written on my heart right now, in this chaotic, beautiful, self-denying season that is motherhood: 1. Ecclesiastes 8:15 This is by far my go-to verse for this season. I read through Ecclesiastes last summer and it about had me clapping in my kitchen a few times. This verse means so much to me. It means that when I feel like I'm not doing enough, or that I'm not challenged enough, or when homeschooling is TOO MUCH, or when the sight of yet another load of dishes or laundry has me feeling unseen or lonely...well, this is the one I repeat to myself.
2. Psalm 143:8 I love all of Psalm 143, but this verse in particular reminds me of the refreshing love that God is. Like a beautiful sunrise, His love is consistent and unfailing and I can trust in Him to be there with each bad-mommy moment, each day that I am "too busy", and each new morning, now and forever. My typical "quiet time" is right before the sun rises, and because of that, I usually catch the sun rise while I'm thinking or praying over what I've read. My house is still quiet, my kids are asleep, and it's just me and God. I've always felt like the sunrise is a special little moment between God and I, and so this verse holds a deep meaning.
3. 1 John 3:1 I have always identified with this verse, and love the power it holds to remind me of who I am - a child of God. However, now with children of my own, I understand the first part of this verse, and how DEEP a love it truly is. This verse is one my heart sings in the GOOD moments. When I see my kids across the room and I am beaming with joy, I remind myself that I have that love because I am filled with the one who loved ME that way first.
What verses do you find yourself turning to most often? If you have questions or need a listening ear, please contact me through the sidebar.
Motherhood is a rush. The weight and the passion to love and direct and protect my children is like nothing I've ever experienced - and at the same time, I experience the delicacy of the "small" moments, where I witness the tender beauty of God's being in the middle of the massive whirlwind that motherhood is. Somehow, all of these things happen at the same time in every moment of every day, and as I sit here processing the days highs and lows while my home is quiet, and what's done is done, I am reminded of this:
On a recent trip to the mountains, something caught my eye - wildflowers growing directly out of the side of the mountains. In one of those God-wink type of moments I realized that it was an image of my God that I hadn't quite put together before. Yes, the Lord is good, kind, gracious, and loving. Yes, God is mighty, strong, all powerful, and my refuge. But He is all things at all times. He is not strong only when I am weak. He is not grace only when I need it. He IS. He just IS. And that delicate flower growing out of that strong mountain is the perfect representation of all that I have in Him. He is the SAME, yesterday, today, forever. His love is unchanging, his might is amazing, and his grace is forever. Precious and delicate as a flower is his love for me, strong and mighty as a mountain is His power and his purpose in me. And when I know that those things are all at work in me day in and day out, life, motherhood, marriage - it all seems less daunting. Because I have the one in me who can move a mountain and yet create exquisite beauty in the same breath, because that is just who He is. And to think that He is who is within me, that is too beautiful for words.
So do not fear,for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
Mom, it's hard to put into words all that you have taught me about being a daughter of Christ. You are selfless, caring, and always there for anyone who needs you. You've been a mother to many who have needed a mother, and a friend to many more. I've watched you exceed the expectations of a daughter, wife, and mother more times than I can count, and I pray that I can be half the woman of God that you have modeled for me. The blessing of having you a mile away will never be lost on John, the kids, or I. We love you "Gamma-Housh".
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
I know I've shared this song before, but God continues to use it to remind me of the homeschooling journey he has set before my family. As I scramble to perfect our year, I am reminded that my prayer should not be for a great academic year or a wonderfully executed plan, but rather for our home to be a refuge for love, harbor for prayer, and a place for my children to grow nearer to their Jesus. In just a few weeks we will start our next year. We will sit down and do math, we will study Egypt, and we will learn all about planets and stars. But I hope that the real schooling happens when there are boo boos that need kissing, and conflict that needs resolution, and apologies that need spoken. I pray that the real schooling happens when our plans get thrown off, and our projects don't turn out right, and our milk spills. I want the real schooling to happen when we stop math to nurse a toddler, or close science because we're overwhelmed, or scribble all over geography because we don't understand. The moments when we realize no plans but His plans prevail will be the best moments we experience this year, and I can't WAIT to be there as their "teacher" when the GREATEST teacher tells me to step aside and let Him teach us all a thing or two.
A Prayer for the Home
Fernando Ortega
Grant them peace, most precious gift of all
Keep the worried world far away and small
When they return, may quiet fill their souls,
Dearest Lord, keep them safe within it's walls.
May the stone be cool beneath their feet.
The canyon breezes circle soft and sweet
When darkness falls, the stars and opal moon
Find them wrapped in each other, ever warm.
May it be a refuge for their love,
A harbor for their deepest prayer.
May they come to flourish in the grove,
Grow ever nearer to You there.
Many a burdened friend in their company rises,
A heavy heart is soon released to fly.
May their table be blessed with laughter and with grace
I recently found these photos on my husband's phone, and it reminded me if an old post I had sitting in my "drafts" from January of 2013. While the photo below is outdated, the words are still so true.
I found this photo on my camera from a recent Daddy/daughter fishing trip.
For me, this picture says so much. It says: Daddy remembered to bring the leggings but forgot the jacket. It says Daddy remembered the gummy worms but forgot to hide them in the picture that Mommy would see. It says Sweet Thing is getting what so many kids miss out on - time. So therefore, it says that I've got a good man. Bad eating habits. Bad sense of style. But a good man.
When I was 15 my Gramma came to Florida for a visit. My mom and I took her to a local ice cream shop. Right as the man handed me my ice cream, my (now, not then) husband walked in with his cousin. I had known him for all of two weeks, but I dropped my ice cream (not on purpose, I'm not that brave) and ran over to him. He smiled at me, and my Gramma later called "marriage". She told me that she could tell from feet away that he had one of the most genuine souls.
And as the years fly by, I discover new little gems like this photo above, that remind me that Gram - you were right.
Combing through old posts, I found this one, and it is still SO true! Here's a little laugh for your Tuesday!
Taking the time to comb through my calendar detail by detail gave me a little chuckle. I wish I could go back ten years in time and tell myself what I had on the agenda, and just how I felt about it. For example, this week I have three lunch outings planned - a picnic lunch with a friend and our kids, a country club lunch with my aunt, and tea time with my niece and daughter. Now, this is actually what I envisioned for myself when I had children. The difference is how I VIEW it. Am I baking bread for the picnic, combing through dresses for tea, or setting my hair for the club? NO! I am frantically searching for a way to get my kid to stop eating playground sand BEFORE our picnic, figuring out a way to explain away my screaming son before lunch, and finding a cute dress that wont stain but still sparkles before tea time. And what would I tell myself ten years ago? This week, you will most look forward to your trip to Sam's Club.
Actually, there are many things that I wish I would have known as I stepped into the parent world. So, to myself ten years ago:
Wal-Mart is proof for you that there is a real Hell. It may seem cool to you right now, to be silly and push your friends around in carts in the parking lot and try on the costumes in the aisle at Halloween, and to pick out junk food for your boyfriend's party - but there will come a day when you will actually consider a night without toilet paper over the horror of dirty linoleum floors, harsh lighting, screaming teenagers, and putrid smelling meat department. Your motto ten years from now will be "Publix: It's worth the extra $1.79"
Sam's Club is your favorite weekly outing. It was actually designed by a woman to give your husband the illusion that you are accomplishing something while you stuff your children with over sized ice cream cups and greasy pizzas so that they pass out on the way home. As he carries the sleeping children upstairs, he will forget that, once again, you came home with nothing other than a package of paper plates and some water bottles.
Two words: Bath Bombs. Actually, one word: LUSH. Get to know that store. A delivery from that store means you just bough yourself another week of baths, and a box from there will make you kiss the UPS man square on the lips. Oh, and your husband will be the UPS man. You're not a tramp.
You will panic every time you hear silence in the car, and no, it is not because you have lost your Hanson CD, it is because unless you are physically bleeding to death and driving yourself to the hospital, you are not ever going to be alone in a car, and therefore you have probably left a child at home. And they are probably eating the gummy snacks. Which brings me to this...
Gummy snacks are the devil. You will spend the majority of your day teaching your child that gummy snacks are not in fact 100% fruit, that apple sauce is NOT considered part of the food pyramid and is in fact dessert, and that chocolate milk is a treat reserved for Sunday afternoons IF they finish their eggplant. Baked, not fried. You are now that mom. Again, it brings me to my next point...
You are THAT mom. You suspect non organic dairy farmers of secretly trying to poison your children, mainstream diaper manufacturers of trying to pump your kids full of chemicals, and you will spend over an hour in the Target Valentine's day isle on the phone with your sister because you feel bad that you are choosing the Barbie valentines for your daughter's class party over the recycled rain forest ones. Speaking of Target...
Invest some stock in it, or just keep a bed in aisle seven, because that is now your fortress. You no longer care about jumping the fence to run at the good track after hours, about the perfect Starbucks latte, or about squeezing back into last year's skinny jeans. All you care about is Target. You consider it gym time for your daughter's home school day, you wouldn't know of the existence of some holidays had they not hung giant ADORABLE signs from their ceilings, and it will cause more strife between your husband and you than the classic ESPN vs. QVC argument. That is because...
You don't have cable. I know, I know, exactly what I was thinking. Well, technically what YOU were thinking. It's so weird. YOU'RE SO WEIRD. And at first, you were REALLY sad without your morning cup of coffee with Regis and Kelly - oh, and it's just Kelly now by the way. You care more about the dirty commercials melting your children's brains than about who won the bachelor. PSYCHE! You still stay up super late until your husband goes to bed and put on the ol' pair of headphones to secretly be whisked away to St. Croix by The Bachelor Sean. You love every last minute of it. And by the way, in the morning, when you see Sean on the cover of Us Weekly, you will pretend you have NO idea who he is. You love your husband. Again, you are not a tramp.
Planning two week long Disney trips in a six month period makes you sad. You know Disney better than your own town. You can navigate their bus system better than your own neighborhood, and you basically know the gift shop workers by name. As long as your children are under the age of 8, your days of globetrotting across five of the seven continents are over. That is why you must keep The Bachelor Sean in your life.
Laundry detergent will make you happy. The new smell will make you happy. Making your own will make you happy. New packaging will make you happy. Coupons for your favorite brand will make you happy. Folding it will suck. It will always suck.
Yoga is no longer weird to you. At this point, yoga and K-Cups are the only things that can get you out of bed before seven. K-Cups, by the way, are little tiny angels sent to you by God himself to remind you that He loves you.
All of the phrases that make me cringe ("leave me alone", "shut your mouth", etc...) came flying out of my mouth this morning directed at the little ears and hearts of my precious kids. It kills me to think about. KILLS ME. I like order, preparedness, no surprises, etc, and this morning felt like God was pranking me. I woke up at 7 which is THREE hours past my normal wake up time, forgot to leave the key for my cleaning ladies, rushed back home, had a little vomit incident in my car, rushed back home again, FORGOT I HAD TO GET GAS, AND was thirty minutes late for our science co-op that, oh yeah, I WAS TEACHING.
In my world, that's recipe for a verbal disaster.
For the last few weeks I have felt this messy, tangled process of change in my soul. I don't know if that makes ANY sense. The best way I can describe it is from "The Shack" - when Mack looks at the garden (his soul) that Sarayu is replanting and called it messy but beautiful - that's exactly it. I can feel the tearing and replanting and the beautiful mess. And I haven't questioned it, I just trust that God, who knows me better than I know myself, is up to good. But good isn't easy. Sometimes it's painful. And I try with all my human nature to fight it, even when I don't realize it. And today - the chaos that I feel inside became the chaos that came out of my mouth. And I look at the sweet little sleeping faces behind me in the car right now (I am parked, don't worry) and I wonder what kind of a monster could say hurtful things to them?
I am thankful for the promises that we have in Jesus. That he was once fully human and faced the feelings I feel. His human life was about more than crucifixion and resurrection. It was about relation. I can have a relationship with the triune God because Jesus can relate with me. And Jesus and God and the spirit can all submit and relate equally, and that puts me in the middle of it all. As my daughter says "God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are like three people that all share the same heart, and they are sharing their heart with us, too" - I can't make this stuff up, people. Having a "heart-mess" can feel so terrible, but it can be SUCH a gift. If we never had messy moments, when would we get to meet the real Jesus? Is there a better time to feel real, pure love than when you are really, fully accepted in all of your disaster? And yet, my human-ness can make me feel far from qualified at times to cry out to my king. But then I remember that He came here not only to establish grace, but to show me that "human" is worthyof His time, because "Human" was worthy of His life.
“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
There's something about that third kid. Everyone warned me, but I didn't understand until baby number 3 became a...TODDLER! I read a Proverb each morning as a "close" to my bible study time. I have passed this one many times without 'hearing' it, but boy oh boy did it strike me yesterday.
This verse is so important for the stage of life that I'm in. Many of my frustrations with raising small children come from a feeling of inadequacy, specifically related to homemaking. Kid 1's markers are bleeding onto her comforter as kid 2 is stealing and torturing her by dangling the markers in her face, all while kid 3 is throwing said marker lids into the potty. Daily situations like this greatly hinder my dream of a calm and clean household. And yet I just sense the spirit of God telling me to rest. But how can I rest when my husband will be home in an hour and I need the kids to just color so I can cook?
Easy - will he care about the marker lids? No, he will probably laugh. Will I care about the marker lids? No, they're all of $0.49 down the literal drain. Do I care how it makes me look? YES. Because many a stay-at-home mom is made to feel worthless by societies standards, and I have bought into the hype.
My poor husband does not even know what language I am speaking when I say the word "Pinterest" (and apparently neither does spell check), he has no social media accounts, and he works a work environment that is 98% male, so there's not an ounce of him that even realizes the pressures a mom faces. He is simply happy to walk in at the end of the day and see 5 sets (yes, I included the dog) of eyes happy to see him.
So why can't I cram that simple mindset in my head? Why am I so exhausted at the end of the day? Why do I feel like a marker lid speaks to my value? Why am I constantly trying to one-up myself and create a better and better and better home environment and be a better and better and better wife?
Envy.
"a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc."
I do not wish I had someone else's life. I have a solid group of girlfriends and we always talk about how happy we are in our own lives, that there is no jealousy, and it is a true blessing to have that. I do not want Jill or Jane or Kate's lives (don't know a Jill or Jane or Kate, just sayin'), but where it is so easy to stumble as a woman is when you want to feel like the #1 in your OWN life and home. I am envious. Not of my friends or of other women, but of a fake, more adequate, more worthy ME that the enemy has created in my mind. I am envious of the woman (who doesn't exist) that is more valuable to my husband to me. I am envious of the lady (who again, doesn't exist) that has it all together. Of the wife who never has a short temper, or an eye roll moment, or the lady who balances a perfect career, marriage, and family life.
I have sensed God using this period of time to refine me. I haven't made a new schedule, new chore list, haven't added another cleaning day, etc. I know that God is simply happy to have my heart in His hands through this 'struggle' I feel, but it has been incredibly hard for me to just be still. I called my mom yesterday in tears, asking what she did when she was living the stage of life that I am living. Of course we talked about pinterest and how society has changed over the years, but then she stuck gold. She told me to pray, and have the Lord reveal to me what is wood, hay, and stubble:
10 According
to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid afoundation,
andsomeone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how
he builds upon it.11 For no
one can lay afoundation otherthan that
which is laid,which is Jesus Christ.12 Now if
anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay,
straw—13 each
one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will
be revealedby fire, andthe fire will test what sort of work each one has done.14 If the
work that anyone has built on the foundation survives,he will
receive a reward.15 If
anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be
saved,but only as through fire.
1 Corinthians 3:10-15
Mommies, everything we do for our husbands, our children, our neighbors, it means nothing if Christ isn't our foundation and our purpose. I am just like everyone else. I want to be 'seen', I want to be validated. But more importantly, I want a life that shines for Christ, and he doesn't require my perfection, he just wants my availability. He isn't waiting for me to finish my chores to step into my day, He is a part of every move I make and every breath I take. I do not need to present perfection in order to be a qualified child of God.
3 His
divine power has granted to us allthings that pertain to life and godliness,
through the knowledge of himwho called us to[c]his own glory and excellence,[d]4 by which
he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them
you may becomepartakers of the divine nature,having
escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.
2 Peter 1:3-4
Here's a little song that I play on repeat when I'm feeling overwhelmed by my crazy home! Hope it brings some peace to yours!
"When you are truly relaxed in the Lord and experiencing His true rest, that rest will nearly always involve more activity than we would otherwise ever know. That is because Christ is in action, and you and your humanity are simply the clothes of His divine activity. This is the rest of faith. You relax, almost like a spectator, except that it is your hands with which He is at work, your lips with which He is speaking, your eyes with which He sees the need, your ears with which He hears the cry, and your heart with which He loves the lost. To "let go and let God" is not inactivity, but Christ-activity - God in action accomplishing divine purposes through human personality. This never reduces our status or worth, but exalts us to the stature of a king: 'Those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ' (Romans 5:17). "
-excerpt from "The Life of Christ", Chapter 29, by Major W. Ian Thomas
My husband and I have been reading this book together and this chapter just hit the nail on the head, particularly, I believe, for moms. As moms we try to set up the equation for God, and wait for the moment He fills in the answer. We create lesson plans and service projects and have all of our ducks in a row, and then "invite God in" to the setup. This, we believe, will teach our kids. This, we believe, is our responsibility as a mother. This, we believe, will buy our children's salvation. We hide imperfections in fear that they will create ungodly characteristics in our children, and shove pain and regret to a place unseen by our kids. "I don't want them see sin in me", we think, "I don't want to introduce imperfection". So we fluff our hair and paint on a smile, sing fake songs of praise when we feel anger, and ultimately, completely remove the need for the cross from our lives.
Sweet mamas, what our kids need most now and in life is GRACE. They need to see our flaws so they can see our need for Jesus. If we hide away the bad and display only the good, what do they see? They see a perfect parent, free of sin, who doesn't need grace. They will not know grace the need, grace the gift, grace the sacrifice, or grace the man. They will know works, guilt, performance, and human effort. And when they need the beautiful mercy of Christ's love, they will have no point of reference.
Stop. Stop. STOP.
STOP "trying" to teach, stop "trying" to perfect, stop "trying" to serve, stop "trying" to love.
REST.
Rest in the Lord. WAIT on His timing. Have FAITH in His plan for our children.
I believe in waiting. Waiting for a question, waiting for a moment, waiting for a chance. God knows our children beyond our knowledge. God wants our children beyond our comprehension. Gods power over the lives of our children is impossible by our own effort. Does waiting feel wrong? YES. Does sitting back and enjoying life without forced teaching feel scary? YES. Does trusting that God will plant the seeds in our children's heads feel like it's taking too long? YES.
But the lack of control, the lack of a plan, the lack of effort, the simple availability of our time...that is true faith. That is God's rest at work in our lives. The wellspring of life.
Yes, we have a responsibility as a parent, to display Christ to our children, to teach them of His love, to point them to the cross. But I don't want to miss that moment by rushing from one bible study to the next, by forcing one verse then the other, or by planning a new missions trip each semester. Those moments, the moments that we are called to as a parent, those happen when a child asks a question at the table about Jesus, or when you stop a tough math problem to show love and comfort, or when they question your apology after mean words. Ever notice that it is authenticity that is most attractive?
Be available. Be flawed. Be real. Let Christ be your life.
"Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."
Ok, I have no thoughts of my own today, haha. Instead - this is such a darn good read. We read it during our Sunday night fellowship group as a response to one of the mother's asking how it is possible to always respond like Christ to whining begging demanding children. It is quite lengthy, and so I started copying and pasting some good tidbits here, and honestly just about copied the whole thing. Take some time to read for yourself, and tell me if you are not a little more relaxed after you read it! Jim Fowler - Some Thoughts on Parenting What I learned from this:
When you have a good day, don't try to figure out the formula. Instead, thank God for the good day. When you have a bad day, don't re-live it and try to figure out what you could have done differently. Just thank God for grace and a new day tomorrow. Stop focusing on getting kids to a certain spiritual point by the time they reach 18. Allow Christ to work through you, and they will learn more by what they see you reflect than what you say. You may not be able to "save them", but they will never be able to deny that their lives were inaugurated in the right direction, and that will always be part of them, whether they choose to accept or deny it for themselves.
Ahh, motherhood, a tiring and generally thankless job. Yet the most demanding ministry I could have imagined. Yoga in the morning, a thriving garden, homeschooling my three little blondies, baking cupcakes on a Wednesday just because, and a husband who never misses an opportunity for a kiss. It's all I dreamed of as a child and it's in the palm of my hand. And yet this morning? I hear "hey Mommy" coming from the other room, it's 6:30 am, I stop typing, and I just cry. He's going to wake the baby. Yep, right on cue, there he goes. Time to nurse. Step into the bathroom to hide for just a minute? Yep, there it is haunting me again, hair thrown on top of my head, half styled before I just gave up. Brief pause to throw the Lalaloopsy doll across the living room that they were screaming over. "Your brother and your sister are more important than THINGS!" No shorts to wear today because work uniforms are laundry priority. No milk for my coffee today because toddler hands tried to pour it over their cereal themselves. Fresh mopped floors now...unfresh. Is that a word? Don't know, don't care. Don't have time to look it up, but there's a red squiggle spellcheck there, so probably not. Something just crashed in the other room and I'm just smiling and not getting up because...well, it's probably better for them that way!
Ahh, motherhood. Love it and hate it. Always pictured myself as a missionary in a third world, and I'm still mourning that loss, the trade, for motherhood. Missions certainly is hard. Very unselfish, I thought, growing up. And yet, here I am, imagining how much simpler that would be than this season of my life. As a mother, I am choosing to serve without ceasing, waking up to do housework while all play, knowing that it will soon be undone. Cooking the day's meals while all rest, knowing that bellies will soon be hungry yet again. Nursing through the night while all sleep. And the 20 minutes I have for myself? Devoted to school planning and organizing. Knowing that, as a homeschool parent, I will not be without three children, even just to run to the store to replace that spilled half gallon of milk for the next 10 years at least, is a heavy burden to bear. I am tired, and looking at my future makes me weary. And as I'm serving three kids and a husband, I am inundated with the truths of other moms. Lunch dates, alone time, laying at the beach because their kids are in school, catching up over coffee, and let us not forget - grocery shopping alone. So what's my identity? I like to run, am I a runner mom? I like to scrapbook - so...crafty mom? Cooking, that's it, that's my thing! But this is oh so wrong. Such a wrong way for me to think. And I cry out to my God, and then I hear Him. "You are a missionary. I am proud of you. You are laying down your life for my purpose. Find your rest with me." The truth is, I am His daughter first. I am His daughter-in-law, second. I am raising His children, third. It is all most important. He sees me. Walking around my kitchen table crying and reciting Proverbs so that I don't raise my voice to my children? Important. Being a put together mom with the right combo of the season's plaid and leopard print combo? Not important. I am in the thick of it. I am raising the least of these. Society's burden, but eternity's future. So undone hair and all, I will pick up and carry on, but this time I know - I'm not alone.
